I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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