it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
