sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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