i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
