Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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