I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
