i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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