Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
