Say something about gay babies.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
