im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
