Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
