they said they heard you say put it in my butt
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
