Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
