I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
