Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
