He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
