Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
