Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize