using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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