i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
