from now on my penis is your penis
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You made out with two different species that night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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