My balls are so social today.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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