yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
