You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
