just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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