So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
