I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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