it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
