He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
