I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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