Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
