Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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