Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
