Kiss
Puke
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
