38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
