Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize