Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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