Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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