My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
