the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My liver just had a heart attack.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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