I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
