I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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