I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
