omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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