Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
