hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
