i don't like sucking hair
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
