Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
