I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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