the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im holly from the hills drunk
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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