Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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