Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
