When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
