I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
