I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
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Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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