remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
