You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So apparently I’m into choking now
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