she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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