I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
