dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
