I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
