So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
