And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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