Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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