I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
