Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
