i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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