Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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