I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
