I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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