Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
