i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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