he thought i was a dude.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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