somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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