She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
