you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
