So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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