I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she smelled like a LAN party
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
