if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just want to make out with him forever
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
