Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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