and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
