I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize