the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she smelled like a LAN party
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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