wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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