I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
