When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
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Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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